Last night my friend Margaret and I were talking about old friends and at her suggestion, I googled my friend Michael only to find that he has been dead for the past 8 years. I met Michael when I was 17 years old and he remained very close to my heart. Our friendship lasted over the years. Although I didn't see him, he'd call every so often and we'd catch up on our lives. Until... we lost touch several years ago. I thought it was due perhaps to all of my contact numbers being changed when my business was merged and I separated from my ex.
I wondered why he hadn't called and years later, I called his office only to find that he was no longer there and no forwarding number. I then knew but could not bring myself to accept that I would never hear from him again. I knew he was gone forever. There were many things I needed to say.
When my father died I felt the same. I kept putting off discussions that needed to be addressed. I always thought there would be time. But one morning, I got the call that he had passed the night before, all the thoughts of all the unanswered questions All the thoughts of what needed to be said; crowded in on me while a sadness came over me. The same sadness that I felt last night reading of Michael's passing.
I was devastated that I could not say goodbye. While the process of having to say goodbye, seemed unimportant to me in the earlier part of my life, it now seems very significant and essential in my second chapter.
However, in 2007, I was fortunate enough to contact two of my favorite clients Johnny, and Hiram. I was feeling nostalgic as my life had changed drastically. Finding myself in France, I thought of Johnny and how much I admired and respected him as an artist and as a human being. I thought how much I missed him and decided to call him. I indirectly said my goodbyes to him by telling him all that I thought about him. And then there was Hiram, who was like a son to me, he was playing at "Testaccio Village" in Rome when I was in Rome. I went back stage like the old days and got time to talk there and again when we were in NYC. .
A year later shockingly both Johnny and Hiram died on the same day 7/25/2008. Johnny in France and Hiram in NYC. Yes, there was GREAT sadness but there were no unanswered questions or untold feelings. There was closure. They will always be in my heart.
Today on Valentine's, I hope you all remember your loved ones and make sure they know how you feel.
Happy Valentine,
Franca
