This morning while sipping my tea on my balcony, I started singing Julie Andrews song "the lusty month of May" from Camelot
" Tra la! It's May!
The lusty month of May!"
As I sang to myself I realize that both of my parents were born in May and my mom's birthday was coming up soon. I started thinking back to my life as a child, a young adult, a single woman, a mother and wife, and then single again. Back in 1971 I read Philip Larkin's poem whose title I have never forgotten and sums up the 70's and all that went with it. This is when I realized not everything is like Camelot.
"They Fuck You Up"
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.
My generation can relate to this poem, but the new generation, my daughters and their friends do they feel the same? Do my daughters blame me for their problems? Our parents had children at a young age, so my generation, we waited. I had my first daughter at 35. I waited until I had my life together , until I was a responsible adult, independent, and self-sufficient. If you ask my daughters though, I could have spared myself the wait. I was curious how the new generation related to this poem, so I asked my daughters. I guess Philip Larkin's poem is timeless, because they agree with it just as much as I did. The only difference is that this generation's reinvention of parenting is to have children at a younger age. I have two nieces both younger than 35 with two kids each and this seems to be the trend today.
Although parenting might be easier now with the parenting blogs, books, and DVD's, I'm sure even in 200 years there will be a teenager who will find this poem and have a very similar reaction as mine and my daughters'. In the words of Rita from Showtime's Dexter,
"You're a parent, you'll do damage"
7 comments:
Lovely Francesca.
Get the poem. With me, my childhood then adolesence was filled with so many different caretakers. Might be amusing to see if I could write a prose!
love ann
What's he doesn't state is that when we take responsibility for ourselves, we stop worrying about crazy Mom and Dad. Hey, I like it - if I am messed up, I made this glorious mess myself.
Diana
Nice one Franca, fodder for my AA meeting.
S.
Oh I think the need to blame your parents for everything that's gone wrong in your life started with the cavemen. The cave teenagers were probably like, "Screw you for sheltering me from those saber-toothed tigers! You are SO OVERBEARING!" Its our lot as parents.
We blame our parents and then we get blamed by our children plus we also blame ourselves.
I think all the help books and blogs will give the current generation more reasons to blame themselves. They now have reasons we never thought of when we were raising our kids.
Taking responsibility does not stop the guilt and the blame.
Great blog
Heloise
Every heart has a corner, which can be dusty and grey
A reminder of some moment you wish would go away
But still they remain to haunt you.
Every heart has a corner, which can be bright and gay
A reminder of some moment you’ll never wish away,
Those you don’t mind haunting you.
Those can stay.
Our parents did the best they could.....
We did the best we could......
Our children will do the best they can......
Love for one another and ourselves is what makes it all work....
Shirley
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